Download and read online Go F ck Yourself Cian in PDF and EPUB Go F*ck Yourself, Cian! is a laugh-out-loud alternative relationship guide by Facebook's favourite comedian, Cian Twomey. Fine, nothing, and okay are three words when used by your partner, that are guaranteed to make a man's testicles shrink in fear - and so they should according to Cian Twomey, Facebook's favourite comedian, whose imaginary other half has threatened to push him into a well and when all else fails hopes he chokes on his own slice of pizza. What did Cian do to deserve such atrocities? A lot - according to erratic Emily, the difficult other half to Cian's own personality. Go F*ck Yourself Cian is the relationship guide for you, no matter your status; single, friends with benefits, loved up, or ashamedly whipped, this book holds the answers. Learn what to do with Cian's practical advice, from that awkward first date to that even more awkward first fart. Learn what not to do with Emily's not so helpful interjections and high maintenance demands, and get to know the real Cian and Emily and their heart-warming romance. Cian Twomey: 'There's days where I think my girlfriend is the most beautiful thing on the planet, there's also days when I want to leave her in a forest...'
Download and read online I m Not Always a Dick Just Kidding Go Fck Yourself in PDF and EPUB Are you bored? Do you need somewhere to write your thoughts and things you have to get done? Or are you looking for that perfect, humorous gift for that special someone? This is a blank, UNLINED journal. 6x9. Convenient, perfect size to take anywhere! It's a perfect gift for many occasions - birthdays, holidays, a gag gift and so much more, all at a very affordable price. This journal also makes a great gift for that special someone in your life. Maybe they curse a little bit, or just like to use the word fuck a lot. It will surely get a laugh, and you will not be able to find a journal like this in stores. There are also many benefits to journaling and writing down your thoughts. Among these are stress reduction, numerous healing benefits, personal growth and so much more.
Download and read online Die subtile Kunst des darauf Schei ens in PDF and EPUB Scheiß auf positives Denken sagt Mark Manson. Die ungeschönte Perspektive ist ihm lieber. Wenn etwas scheiße ist, dann ist es das eben. Und wenn man etwas nicht kann, dann sollte man dazu stehen. Nicht jeder kann in allem außergewöhnlich sein und das ist gut so. Wenn man seine Grenzen akzeptiert, findet man die Stärke, die man braucht. Denn es gibt so viele Dinge, auf die man im Gegenzug scheißen kann. Man muss nur herausfinden, welche das sind und wie man sie sich richtig am Arsch vorbeigehen lässt. So kann man sich dann auf die eigenen Stärken und die wichtigen Dinge besinnen und hat mehr Zeit, sein Potential gänzlich auszuschöpfen. Die subtile Kunst des darauf Scheißens verbindet unterhaltsame Geschichten und schonungslosen Humor mit hilfreichen Tipps für ein entspannteres und besseres Leben. Damit man seine Energie für sinnvolleres verwendet als für Dinge, die einem egal sein können.
Download and read online Verdammte Schei e schlaf ein in PDF and EPUB Wer Kinder hat, weiß, dass Kuscheltiere und eine Gute-Nacht-Geschichte nicht immer helfen. Allzu oft bleibt ›Schlaf, Kindchen, schlaf‹ ein frommer Wunsch. Dann hockt man auf der Bettkante und könnte – bei aller Liebe – heulen vor Wut. ›Verdammte Scheiße, schlaf ein!‹ zeigt die ungeschminkte Wahrheit und ist dabei so komisch, dass man sich die Verzweiflung von der Seele lacht. »Muss noch immer lachen und weinen – ein scheißgutes Buch.« Julia Franck
Download and read online Not Sorry in PDF and EPUB Sind Sie gestresst und überarbeitet? Sind Sie enttäuscht vom Leben? Haben Sie es satt, allen zu gefallen, statt an sich selbst zu denken? Dann gilt auch für Sie: Sorry, but not sorry. Hören Sie auf, sich zu entschuldigen. Vergessen Sie die Meinung der anderen. Machen Sie sich frei von ungeliebten Verpflichtungen, Scham und Schuld. Beschäftigen Sie sich lieber mit Leuten und Dingen, die Sie glücklich machen. Sarah Knights Methoden helfen Ihnen dabei, sich von Unwichtigem zu trennen und das Leben zu genießen.
Download and read online In Praise of Profanity in PDF and EPUB When President Obama signed the affordable health care act in 2009, the Vice President was overheard to utter an enthusiastic "This is a big f****** deal!" A town in Massachusetts levies $20 fines on swearing in public. Nothing is as paradoxical as our attitude toward swearing and "bad language": how can we judge profanity so harshly in principle, yet use it so frequently in practice? Though profanity is more acceptable today than ever, it is still labeled as rude, or at best tolerable only under specific circumstances. Cursing, many argue, signals an absence of character, or poor parenting, and is something to avoid at all costs. Yet plenty of us are unconcerned about the dangers of profanity; bad words are commonly used in mainstream music, Academy Award-winning films, books, and newspapers. And of course, regular people use them in conversation every day. In In Praise of Profanity, Michael Adams offers a provocative, unapologetic defense of profanity, arguing that we've oversimplified profanity by labeling it as taboo. Profanity is valuable, even essential, both as a vehicle of communication and an element of style. As much as we may deplore it in some contexts, we should celebrate it in others. Adams skillfully weaves together linguistic and psychological analyses of why we swear-for emotional release, as a way to promote group solidarity, or to create intimate relationships -- with colorful examples of profanity in literature, TV, film, and music, such as The Sopranos, James Kelman's How Late It Was, How Late, or the songs of Nellie McKay. This breezy, jargon-free book will challenge readers to reconsider the way they think about swearing.
Download and read online Ryan s Suffering in PDF and EPUB Ryan's cursed: a brutal upbringing in Southern Michigan that culminated in a night of tragic violence he barely remembers as the sole survivor. Ryan's condemned by fate a he doesn't believe, angelic bloodlines that must be sent to their final judgment. Ryan escaped to start a new life and a new family on the shores of Lake Michigan in Western Michigan, but his demons still haunt him as he battles depression and the terrors of childhood. However, fate rapidly caught up, insisting on becoming unburied, as his past soon implicated him in murders and kidnappings. Ryan must remember the past, and the battle of that tragic night eleven years before, in order to prevent a larger and more brutal tragedy from happening again. Ryan's running out of time to save his family, and ultimately himself.
Download and read online Hold Tight Don t Let Go in PDF and EPUB "Laura Wagner has managed to get a huge amount of Haiti into the pages of this book: the sun, the rain, the bottomless spiral of catastrophe, rage, despair and indomitable hope." —Madison Smartt Bell, author of All Souls' Rising: A Novel of Haiti "In Haiti they say 'Kreyòl pale, Kreyòl konprann.' Speak plainly and honestly, and be understood. Laura Wagner does just that in this brave, beautiful book, bringing us the complex life of Magdalie, and a glimpse of a people's soul." —Jonathan M. Katz, author of The Big Truck That Went By: How the World Came to Save Haiti and Left Behind a Disaster "Haiti, already one of the poorest countries in the world, was devastated by the earthquake in 2010. This is a story of everything that comes after: from a candid depiction of the international response to a young girl’s account of what a life of desperation can do to an individual and to a society. Magdalie’s journey shows the importance of connections, of family and friends, during difficult times and the anguish that comes when those bonds are broken. In her debut novel, Laura Rose Wagner has managed to capture the devastation of loss while providing determined hope for the individual and the nation. An important read for anyone who wishes to better understand the reality of life in Haiti after the earthquake." —Ophelia Dahl, executive director of Partners in Health Hold Tight, Don’t Let Go follows the vivid story of two teenage cousins, raised as sisters, who survive the devastating 2010 earthquake in Haiti. After losing the woman who raised them in the tragedy, Magdalie and Nadine must fend for themselves in the aftermath of the quake. The girls are inseparable, making the best of their new circumstances in a refugee camp with an affectionate, lively camaraderie, until Nadine, whose father lives in Miami, sends for her but not Magdalie. As she leaves, Nadine makes a promise she cannot keep: to bring Magdalie to Miami, too. Resourceful Magdalie focuses her efforts on a reunion with Nadine until she realizes her life is in Haiti, and that she must embrace its possibilities for love, friendship, and a future.
Download and read online Bound by Night in PDF and EPUB Nicole Martin has hated vampires since they killed her family when she was a child, but when she is kidnapped by Riker, a member of the renegade vampire MoonBound Clan, she finds herself drawn to him despite herself.
Download and read online The Heart s Invisible Furies in PDF and EPUB Cyril Avery is not a real Avery or at least that’s what his adoptive parents tell him. And he never will be. But if he isn’t a real Avery, then who is he? Born out of wedlock to a teenage girl cast out from her rural Irish community and adopted by a well-to-do if eccentric Dublin couple via the intervention of a hunchbacked Redemptorist nun, Cyril is adrift in the world, anchored only tenuously by his heartfelt friendship with the infinitely more glamourous and dangerous Julian Woodbead. At the mercy of fortune and coincidence, he will spend a lifetime coming to know himself and where he came from – and over his three score years and ten, will struggle to discover an identity, a home, a country and much more. In this, Boyne's most transcendent work to date, we are shown the story of Ireland from the 1940s to today through the eyes of one ordinary man. The Heart's Invisible Furies is a novel to make you laugh and cry while reminding us all of the redemptive power of the human spirit.
Download and read online Fives and Twenty Fives in PDF and EPUB It's the rule-always watch your fives and twenty-fives. When a convoy halts to investigate a possible roadside bomb, stay in the vehicle and scan five meters in every direction. A bomb inside five meters cuts through the armor, killing everyone in the truck. Once clear, get out and sweep twenty-five meters. A bomb inside twenty-five meters kills the dismounted scouts investigating the road ahead. Fives and twenty-fives mark the measure of a marine's life in the road repair platoon. Dispatched to fill potholes on the highways of Iraq, the platoon works to assure safe passage for citizens and military personnel. Their mission lacks the glory of the infantry, but in a war where every pothole contains a hidden bomb, road repair brings its own danger. Lieutenant Donavan leads the platoon, painfully aware of his shortcomings and isolated by his rank. Doc Pleasant, the medic, joined for opportunity, but finds his pride undone as he watches friends die. And there's Kateb, known to the Americans as Dodge, an Iraqi interpreter whose love of American culture-from hip-hop to the dog-eared copy of Huck Finn he carries-is matched only by his disdain for what Americans are doing to his country. Returning home, they exchange one set of decisions and repercussions for another, struggling to find a place in a world that no longer knows them. A debut both transcendent and rooted in the flesh, Fives and Twenty-Fives is a deeply necessary novel.
Download and read online Frail in PDF and EPUB For fans of contemporary urban fantasy with a twist, Joan Frances Turner brings us Frail, the follow-up to Dust, a poignant story about survival in zombie infested post-apocalyptic America. Being human is a disadvantage in post-apocalyptic America . . . Since a devastating, morphing plague swept through human and zombie populations, almost everyone who survived is an 'ex' these days. Ex-human. Ex-zombie. Both creatures crave flesh, have the strength and speed of predators - and what seems like immortality. Pierced skin and broken bones mend, but their all-consuming hunger never dies . . . Amy is the only purely human survivor from town - a frail. Her mother is gone, but she won't believe that she's dead. Feral dogs stalk her, in reality and in her imagination. Amy thinks she's losing her mind. But when an ex-human named Lisa saves her life, a fragile friendship forms, a bond that will save Amy over and over again when she and Lisa are abducted into a makeshift community run by exes who use humans as their slaves. For a girl who is used to going it alone, trusting anyone isn't easy, but Amy will have to. She has secrets from her past she can't afford to face by herself, and secrets in her future that will cost her just about everything - including her humanity . . . Joan Frances Turner's Frail is a brilliantly evocative tale of the fight for survival in a dangerous post-apocalyptic, zombie-ridden world. Praise for Dust 'A thoughtful, poignant and frightening book about the undead' Laurell K. Hamilton 'A nail- bitingly good zombie romp . . . a cut above the rest' Amber Benson, star of Buffy the Vampire Slayer 'A new and unique take on zombies' Ilona Andrews Joan Frances Turner was born in Rhode Island and grew up in the Calumet region of northwest Indiana. A graduate of Brown University and Harvard Law School, she lives near the Indiana Dunes with her family and a garden full of spring onions and tiger lilies, weather permitting. She is author of Dust, which is also published by Penguin. Find Joan Frances at www.joanfrancesturner.com.
Download and read online Anything but Zombies in PDF and EPUB For decades we’ve had vampires, werewolves, Jason, Freddy, and Michael. And now zombies have gone all Hollywood. Out of a need to figure out what is the next classic monster, publisher and lifelong horror enthusiast Gerald Dean Rice has assembled this fresh and downright disturbing collection of short stories featuring some of the most clever and imaginative horror writers of the day including Tim Curran, Jeff Strand, Armand Rosamilia, Rebecca Besser, MontiLee Stormer, Lee Moan, Tonia Brown, Jake Bible, Faye McCray, and Jimmy Pudge. Inside, the diverse cast of contributors introduces new breeds of monsters such as sentient sex dolls, anti-zombie terrorists, suicidal cultists, the woman who can smell sin, and more. These monsters come alive within the pages, and they are blow-your-mind frightening. They are just what the horror world needs. They are Anything but Zombies!
Download and read online Tall Dark Dead in PDF and EPUB The first Garnet Lacey novel in the delightful paranormal series by the author of The Vampire Princess of St. Paul novels! The line between magic and sanity is very thin. That’s part of why I, Garnet Lacey, quit cold turkey. Never touch the stuff. No exceptions. But magic is so addictive…and my inner Goddess Lilith is hard to resist. Besides, restraint isn’t easy when you manage Wisconsin’s premiere occult bookstore, and get customers like Sebastian Von Traum—piercing brown eyes, a sexy accent, and a killer body in denim and black leather. The only thing missing is an aura. Which means he’s dead… And that means trouble. I guess I’m a sucker for it. The Vatican witch hunters are on to us. My long-lost vampire ex has crawled out of the woodwork looking for action. And Sebastian’s frustrated ex is stirring in her grave. So what’s a girl to do if she’s hot for a dead man walking? Run like hell—and take full advantage of the nights…
Download and read online If at Birth You Don t Succeed in PDF and EPUB “Hilarious and inspiring, Anner has made a life filled with fans, love, and Internet fame—reminding us that disability is no match for dreams.”—People (Book of the Week) “Zach Anner is way more than an inspirational figure for anyone who has ever felt impossibly different: he’s also a great f**king writer.”—Lena Dunham Comedian Zach Anner opens his frank and devilishly funny book, If at Birth You Don't Succeed, with an admission: he botched his own birth. Two months early, underweight and under-prepared for life, he entered the world with cerebral palsy and an uncertain future. So how did this hairless mole-rat of a boy blossom into a viral internet sensation who's hosted two travel shows, impressed Oprah, driven the Mars Rover, and inspired a John Mayer song? (It wasn't "Your Body is a Wonderland.") Zach lives by the mantra: when life gives you wheelchair, make lemonade. Whether recounting a valiant childhood attempt to woo Cindy Crawford, encounters with zealous faith healers, or the time he crapped his pants mere feet from Dr. Phil, Zach shares his fumbles with unflinching honesty and characteristic charm. By his thirtieth birthday, Zach had grown into an adult with a career in entertainment, millions of fans, a loving family, and friends who would literally carry him up mountains. If at Birth You Don't Succeed is a hilariously irreverent and heartfelt memoir about finding your passion and your path even when it's paved with epic misadventure. This is the unlikely but not unlucky story of a man who couldn't safely open a bag of Skittles, but still became a fitness guru with fans around the world. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll fall in love with the Olive Garden all over again, and learn why cerebral palsy is, definitively, "the sexiest of the palsies."